I so wish I had money right now :( And that I could buy stuff for myself instead of paying bills and setting aside money for December. James is getting laid off for a week in December, which means we won't be able to celebrate Christmas, because any extra money we have or receive will go toward bills. I'm just so depressed. I love Christmas, and right after X-mas is my 21st birthday and I won't even be able to afford to go out because we'll be absolutely broke. I'm really scared, I don't even know if we'll be able to pay the end of the month bills in December.

Not to mention all my bras are crap and my clothes are worn out. I don't remember the last time I went clothes shopping. I'm wearing shit from high school, I swear. I only have two pairs of works pants that I wear, and just rotate through my like.. 5 sweaters I own. I was really hoping to get cash this Christmas so I could go shopping and also go out on my 21st. Looks like that's out of the question. I told everyone to not worry about presents because we can't afford them and I don't want to receive and not be able to give. My parents' don't have any extra money anyway to be giving out and I doubt my real dad will give me anything this year. He hates me and has no job because he's on strike. Would I really want anything from him anyway? *sighs* I'm so sick of life and all the shit that gets thrown our way. Will we ever be happy? Will there ever NOT be drama? Will I ever have spending money? Buying the entertainment center didn't happen because we got another huge cellphone bill for $215. We went over the minutes AGAIN. I just wanted to throw up when I saw the bill. So we sat aside some money to pay that. Money that I was saving for December for those bills. We are never going to catch up. I'm scared.